Recovery: 29 Things I Have Learned So Far

Eating Disorder Recovery

I turned 29 years old yesterday! So, in honor of my birthday, and since this is a recovery blog, I am going to give you 29 things I have learned in my recovery so far. One more year till 30! Yikes!

FIRST TIME VISITORS

For first time visitors, or if you needed a reminder, this blog is all about recovery. For myself, I am recovering from bulimia. Over half of my life I have struggles with this addiction and now I can finally say that I am on a solid road to recovery at this time in my life. I have been purge free for about a year and a half now. There are so many things that I have learned and still will. However, I wanted to take the time today to share with you my top 29.

TOP 29 (In No Specific Order)

    1. Sometimes the scariest things in life we should do are the most important (treatment).
    2. God answers prayers in the most interesting of ways.
    3. Recovery is a long journey.
    4. I will make mistakes in recovery.
    5. Prayer and quiet time helps me keep my recovery and life for that matter on track.
    6. I am worth Recovery.
    7. God Loves me as I am.
    8. Drinking half my body weight in water is crucial in recovery and in over all health.
    9. Exercise builds confidence.
    10. Exercise helps with feeling depressed.
    11. Medication is in some cases needed.
    12. You have to want to recover to recover.
    13. Recovery is hard work, but worth it.
    14. The good times out way the bad.
    15. Overall I feel better now that my body is getting the nutrition it needs.
    16. I have more energy, so will you!
    17. My mind is more clear (not as much brain fog).
    18. My anxiety has lessened with the correct medication, and the right nutrition.
    19. Finding community is essential to recovery.
    20. Food is something to be enjoyed.
    21. Alcohol does not help, but only makes things worse in recovery.
    22. God gives me my strength to make it through the hardest of times.
    23. There are people who want to help.
    24. I can do this (so can you).
    25. There will be good days and bad days.
    26. There is more to me (and you) than just our weight.
    27. It is okay to love ourselves.
    28. It’s okay to have bad days.
    29. Take recovery one day at a time.

TELL ME WHAT YOU HAVE LEARNED IN YOUR RECOVERY

I would love to read comments on what you have learned in recovery. Make sure to comment below. 🙂

Don’t forget to share this post with everyone you know and email subscribe to my blog for more encouraging posts.



 

Hey Friends!

Thank you so much for reading this post. I am truly blessed to have your support. Get connected with me and this growing group, my social media platforms are below. We do not have to do recovery alone, and we shouldn’t! 

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Love You All-

 Kay

Doterra to Boost Mood and Aid in Recovery! Don’t wait to feel great!

HELLO FRIENDS!

First of all I want to thank you so much for reading this post and supporting my blog! You all are amazing and I really appreciate you! Second of all, I wanted to tell you how much I absolutely love Doterra and their oils. No I am not a sales rep, they just really are amazing.

HOW I WAS INTRODUCEDBless You

An amazing human that I know bought me my first kit. She knew about my struggles before the world was able to read about them on the internet. Graciously, she thought Doterra would improve my overall health and mood. She was right, and I am so thankful to her for loving and caring for me as much as she does.

5 RESONS TO USE DOTERR

Overall health

Mood

Energy and Refresh

Cleaning

DOES IT REALLY HELP?

Doterra is one of the best recourses I use in aiding in my recovery & overall health. In recovery, there are times when you feel crappy. Your body is trying to regulate and introducing new foods and habits can take your body a while to get used to. Also, Isn’t it a no brainer to try and avoid viral illnesses as much as you can? Being sick on already feeling crappy is no fun! So, I take On Guard every single day! It is the end of December and we have yet to get sick. Don’t get me wrong, it has tried to attack us, but daily on guard paired with a humidifier at night works wonders in keeping our immune system up and keeping those unwanted viruses out of our house.

CALM ANXIETY!

Doterra

There are so many Doterra oils that aid in a healthy mood  that it’s hard to tell you about just one but the one I picked for this post is Lavender. Anxiety can co-inside with eating disorder recovery. It is believed that lavender has a calming effect on the central nervous system. Take lavender internally, or diffuse. Not only does it help calm anxiety, but adding it to your shampoo to help create thick and healthy hair.

UPLIFTING AND ENERGIZING

Freshen your mood and house by diffusing Lemon. This is a diffuser that I personally use and it’s relatively inexpensive. I love the freshness and energy that natural oils bring to my room. It is like ushering a bit of nature into my life. Also, the more energy you have, the more energy you can put in to your recovery and increase your activity. The old adage is true: The more you move the better you feel.

FYI: MANY OF MY POSTS CONTAIN AFFILIATE LINKS! THIS MEANS IF YOU BUY SOMETHING THROUGH ONE OF MY LINKS, YOU WILL NOT PAY ANYTHING, BUT I WILL RECEIVE A SMALL COMMISSION. THIS HELPS KEEPS CONTENT COMING. THANK YOU!
HOW TO USE DOTERRA TO CLEAN YOUR HOUSE

Living in a clean, put together environment encourages you to strive for a clean mental environment. Adding Wild Orange to any all purpose spray can purify and enlighten any space or surface. Not only will your house be clean but your house will smell amazing and energize your senses.

Though these are just a few oils, I encourage you to try them out for yourself. The only thing I would say is don’t expect them to immediately make a huge difference. Essential oils aid in good moods and happy spirits, but you do still have to do the work, and sometimes its still not easy. The key is consistency, not just in using oils, but in everything that you do.

I want to hear about your experience with Doterra! Let me know it the comments.

Hey Everyone! Thank you so much for reading my latest post. I want to hear from you! Let me know what you think of this post in the comments. Also, if you have questions, ask away! Thank you all so much for your support. I couldn’t do any of this without you!

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Happy Holiday's

3 Tips to Beat Your Eating Disorder and Stay in Recovery

Eating Disorder Cycle

Art
No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it. – 1 Corinthians 10:13

Did you wake up this morning and think to yourself, “I don’t want to eat today”? What was your reasoning for not eating? Were you hoping it would balance out what happened last night? That huge binge! It has been almost a year since the last purge. However, your eating disorder is now talking. She is trying to trick you and tells you that starving yourself is okay because at least you aren’t purging. Convincing you that it is just one day. It is just to get back on track. And so, the cycle continues.

Breaking the Cycle

Breaking the cycle is one of the hardest things you will ever do, and it takes practice! Over and over you will have to fail to finally conquer what is beating you. Your eating disorder doesn’t stop. In fact, she keeps pushing and pushing every day. She get’s stronger because she is persistent, and you have finally gotten to the point where you don’t care. That is your moment of weakness.

Become relentless in getting better. If you are truly wanting to recover, you have to work harder than your eating disorder. Here are three tips to beat your eating disorder and stay in recovery.

1. BE REALISTIC

Don’t strive for perfection, because it doesn’t exist. It isn’t an all or nothing situation. You can’t just heal over night. It takes years, and maybe even your entire life. Realize that you will have bad days, and that is okay. You are going to make mistakes and that is also okay. Add one positive thing to your daily routine to start out. For example, when you wake up in the morning and look at yourself in the mirror, tell your eating disorder that she will not win. Tell her you are stronger than her, even if you don’t believe it in that moment. Consistently do that every morning. If you forget one morning, that’s okay, pick it up in the day sometime. Remember, we aren’t striving for perfection. It’s not real.

2. HAVE CONSISTENCY

Consistency is defined as a steadfast adherence to the same principles, course, form, etc. :There is consistency in his pattern of behavior.

So what does your eating disorder have that you are lacking? My guess is consistency. You get tired of fighting and end up saying, “screw it”! She is right there to catch you when you fall and making you think that you need her. DO NOT FALL IN TO HER TRAP! She stays consistent in pursuing you until you fall. You have to become stronger than her. You need to find an accountability partner who has the ability to tell you the hard stuff and help you stay consistent. They need to be able to tell you that you are going back to old habits, and you need to listen to them and accept what they are telling you.

3. BE KIND TO YOURSELF

Over Come Your DisorderOur human nature is that we fall. When someone you love makes a mistake how do you treat them? Do you tell them that you hate them, or punish them? Do you take their food away to teach them a lesson, or cut their skin to relieve the pain they might feel? No, you encourage them of course. You let them know that falling is normal and everyone makes mistakes. You may give them a hug, and tell them tomorrow is a new day. It may sound silly, but do that for yourself.


Hey Everyone! Thank you so much for reading my latest post. I want to hear from you! Let me know what you think of this post in the comments. Also, if you have questions, ask away! Thank you all so much for your support. I couldn’t do this without you!

Check out my last post here, and the video correspondence to this post!

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Thank you all and I hope you have a great Holiday!

Happy Holiday's

 

Mood and Struggles: Everyone Deals With These!

Guys I got to be honest! I am struggling and I could use prayers, good vibes, or what ever you’ve got. I am in a funk and I am not sure why. Because of this my, mood is all over the place and my thoughts are attacking my positive attitude.

My eating disorder is distorting my mood and I think one of the contributing factors is a picture I saw. The picture was from 2013, I was on the beach in the Bahamas. It was a wonderful trip but at that time I was struggling more than I ever had been.

The truth is, I want that body back. The defined collar bones, and the spaces between my rib cage. I miss the small little girl body that I used to have. However, I know that I can’t live that life again. Pretending that everything is okay, lying to my family about what I have or haven’t eaten that day. Comparing myself to others and feeling so insecure.

It has been such a long time since I have felt like this. I am wrestling thoughts of drinking to “feel better”, I know that only makes things worse. I feel like I am in a cloud and nothing seems clear to me.

Sorry this is such a “down” post, but I think the most important thing we can do when we are struggling is reach out and be real. So that is what I am doing.

Thank you all so much for the love and support! I couldn’t do any of this without you!

Be sure to Email subscribe and follow me on social media for all my latest updates! We can use all the support we can get, and I would love to support you as well! I have a the following:

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Thank you all and I hope you have a great Holiday!

KP

3 Reason’s for Eating Disorder Recovery

Confidence

Motivation to Recover

What motivation is driving you to recover from your eating disorder? Whatever the reason, build on that.

For some, it may be their desire for a strong and healthy family which might also include having children one day. For others, it’s as simple as, “I am tired of feeling like crap”. There are so many reasons. Jot down your top ten reasons for recovery. Share them in the comments below. Find my 10 here. They do not have to be in a particular order, just start writing.

The Truth

The truth is, if you truly want to recover, you will never give up. Even after bad days! We all will have them, and we all fall, but the most important thing is getting back up and fighting on.

Today I am going to give you 3 more reasons to recover (not on the above shared list). They are hard truths, but this is something that needs to be talked about.

Number 1: Eating Disorders are Exhausting and You Simply Do Not Have To Live That Way

Eating Disorders are exhausting to not only the one struggling, but the individuals that Exaustingare involved. Think about the lies you have to keep up with. The lies that rot your teeth every time they come out of your mouth, and your loved ones know you’re lying. They do not trust you, and they are tired of wasting their words, but they do it because they love you. They are simply hoping something will click.

For the one who is struggling, there is the component of NEVER BEING GOOD ENOUGH.  The pounds lost and the person in the mirror will never be enough. Constant paranoid thoughts run through your mind, “they are judging me”, “they are looking at my thunder thighs”, “they hate me”. The truth we all know is that people are usually so focused on themselves they have no time or energy to judge you. If they are, it very well may be that they are just as insecure as you.

Number 2: You are Killing Yourself and You Deserve A Full Life

There are so many reasons to find joy in life. Instead of joining the lost, become one of the found. Find your purpose! If you allow it and work at it, your struggle can eventually turn in to something beautiful. The more time you spend indulging your eating disorder, the closer you are to losing the fight and ultimately not finding your purpose here on earth. I promise you, there is a reason you are here. First fight for the desire, then work relentlessly hard for that purpose.

List 5 reasons to want to live. You can find mine here.

Number 3: Finding Yourself is a Fun and Amazing Journey

What are the things that you love, your passions, the things that make you happy? Think about the times before your eating disorder. What made you laugh or smile? If you can’t come up with anything, think about the things you want to do that sound fun to you. List 10 things and find mine here. Don’t put pressure on yourself, write what ever comes to mind. Keep the list and add to it when you discover things that you love. This needs to be an on-going list. It is a list that you can go back to during the day, or before bed or whenever inspiration strikes! Keep it handy and you may find that this list is a major part of your ultimate recovery.

And Remember…

You can do this! Give yourself love. Your life is worth living!

 Thank you so much for reading this post. I am so thankful for the support that I have already gotten through this journey!

Check out my last post here.

Don’t Forget to connect with me in some way. We can use all the support we can get, and I would love to support you as well! I have a the following:

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Thank you all and I hope you have a great Holiday!

KP

God and the Holy Bible:2

EASY-TO-READ

If you are anything like me, reading the bible can sometimes seem like a foreign Language. I Bible APPask God for understanding, but I still seem to get lost in the wording that covers the pages. That Is why I LOVE the Bible App! By selecting the easy-to-read version, it makes it so much easier to follow along.

What do you have to gain?

Understanding and knowledge of God, who he is, and what he has done for us.

Genesis 1 6-12:

“So God made the space and separated the water. Some of the water was above it, and some of the water was below it. God named that space “sky.” There was evening, and then there was morning. This was the second day. Then God said, “Let the water under the sky be gathered together so that the dry land will appear.” And it happened. God named the dry land “earth,” and he named the water that was gathered together “seas.” And God saw that this was good. Then God said, “Let the earth grow grass, plants that make grain, and fruit trees. The fruit trees will make fruit with seeds in it. And each plant will make its own kind of seed. Let these plants grow on the earth.” And it happened. The earth grew grass and plants that made grain. And it grew trees that made fruit with seeds in it. Every plant made its own kind of seeds. And God saw that this was good.”

Thoughts:

It’s odd to think about God creating earth in just a matter of seconds.

If God can create something so beautiful and amazing in a matter of seconds, imagine what he can do and make of your life in a matter of moments or even years. Personally, my life has been radically changed in one year.

A year ago, though many happy things happened in my life, I was hurting myself. There was this nagging disorder clinging to me every second of the day. I didn’t feel like I had worth and I fell in to a deep depression. As a result, self harm became a way to soothe. For a brief period of time, I couldn’t feel anything. It became apparent that I needed help.

God gave me the opportunity to get the help I needed. It was hard, and it is still hard working toward recovery, but the change in just a year is incredible.

Give Thanks

Today I thank you for creating such a beautiful place for us to live. Of course, not everything in this world is beautiful. Us humans have a tendency to make things ugly. I thank you that we do not have to be perfect to be yours. We can come as we are and you change us for the better. Thank you that one day we will live in a perfect world with you. We are so lucky that a loving God has ultim saved us from the destruction.


Hey All-

These are just some thoughts I have after reading these verses of the Bible. Do you have questions? Do you have comments? Feel free to let me know in the comment section.


 Thank you so much for reading this post. I am so thankful for the support that I have already gotten through this journey! I am so thankful for you!

Check out my last post here.

Don’t Forget to connect with me in some way. We can use all the support we can get, and I would love to support you as well! I have a the following:

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(Most Important ;))Subscribe to my Mailing List

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Thank you all and I hope you have a great Holiday!
Kay
God Made Me An Original

KP

3 Tips when dealing with Anxiety Around the Holidays!

confused
“My anxiety doesn’t come from thinking about the future but from wanting to control it.” — Hugh Prather, Notes to Myself

Holidays and Anxiety

With the holidays here, anxiety tends to increase! That means anxiety attacks may be apart of your thanksgiving experience. Heck, anxiety really is a part of life in general.

Today I am going to give you 3 tips to calm anxiety in any situation.

Number 1: Excuse Yourself

Take this opportunity to excuse yourself from the madness. Take a walk, sit on the patio, talk with Jesus. When you are able to breath easy, you can return to the party.

Number 2: Be Honest

Be honest with Jesus, yourself, and others about what you are feeling, and what you need. Our feelings should not rule our lives or dictate our decisions, but they are real. It is of no use to pretend you are not feeling what you are actually feeling. Being honest about that can many times help to put those same feelings in their proper place.

Number 3: Lower expectations

Often times, we are victims of our own unrealistic expectations. These could be placed on ourselves, on our family, or on our circumstances. There is nothing wrong with believing in good outcomes, we should not be pessimistic. However, when we place what we expect on others, we are being unfair to them and ourselves. What have you expected from someone that they will never meet? What have you expected from yourself, that you are simply unable to live up to at this time? Take another look at your goals, bite off what you can actually chew, then crush that goal! Learn to “go with the flow” when it is possible to do so. You may find yourself having the fun you always wished you could have.

These three things take practice and consistency. They will not just happen automatically. You are the one who needs to make a decision to cope with anxiety and to not let it cripple you!


Hello Everyone! Thank you so much for reading this post. This post was written by my husband and I. We are just so thankful for the support that we have already gotten through this journey! Read my last post here.

Don’t Forget to connect with me in some way. We can use all the support we can get, and we would love to support you as well! We have a the following:

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Thank you all and I hope you have a great Thanksgiving!
-The Palumbo’s
F&K
Frankie and Kay

KP

Treatment for an Eating Disorder P.T 10: A Letter to my Eating Disorder

Hey All!

This is an entry I wrote Novermber 28, 2017 while I was at Center For Change

Dear Leni, 

I want you to know a few things I’ve learned while I have been in treatment. What I have learned about you and what it means to me. You have been with me for so long. I’m not going to say I regret clinging to you because you have gotten me through some hard times. However, I do regret listening to you for so long.

I am learning

You DO NOT love me or want me succeed. I am so tired of the way you have made me feel physically and emotionally. However, I do have to thank you. Without you my relationship with God would be so different. I wouldn’t know how strong I could be with him by my side.

What I have learned

I need Jesus more than I need you. I am happy with Jesus by my side. He loves me just the way I am and he wants the best for me. I thank you for showing me this. This means that I am safe with Jesus and I don’t need you!

Kayla

Christian
The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusted in Him, and I am helped; therefore my heart greatly rejoices, and with my song I will praise Him. ~ Psalms 28:7

                                                   Thank You So Much! 

I am truly blessed to have you. This concludes the 1st series written on this blog. If you are interested at starting with the first post, here is the link https://kaybits.com/treatment/.  Let me know what you think! I want your input! I also just want to remind you that you are amazing, you are original, you have been made for a reason, and Jesus loves you! Oh, and I love you! 🙂

                                                     GET CONNECTED

 with me in some way. I am on Facebookinstagram,  & Twitter. I would love to talk with you and answer any questions you may have. If you just need a listening ear, I can do that as well. If you don’t feel comfortable leaving a comment, you can email me at kaybitsblogging@gmail.com. I check my emails daily.

                                                             Love you all!

5 Tips to Stay in Recovery After a Binge!

Binge

You have done it again and ate way too much. There are so many feelings that come over you after a binge. For myself, it is anger, it’s a real nasty feeling. The only thing that is worse than being full in my mind, is feeling like you can’t control what you put in your mouth. 

binge food

What if I told you that we do have control? We focus so much on things that we say we CAN’T do, that we forget that we are in control of what we CAN do.

Philippians 4:13
I can do all this through him who gives me strength.

In this post I will be sharing 5 tips to help you stay in recovery, and to help minimize those binges. As someone who is in recovery for bulimia, if I was to read something like this a year ago I would think it was a bunch of crap. In fact, my treatment team told me some of these things, but I was so far in my eating disorder that I didn’t believe them.

As I travel on further in my recovery, I realize that my treatment team who consisted of a dietitian, therapist, nurse practitioner, and psychiatrist were not completely off their rockers. 

It has been 11 months and 12 days since I have purged. Notice I didn’t say binge. Do you know why? Because I still binge from time to time. As disgusting as the feeling is, reverting to these 5 tips help me stay on my road after I have managed to do it once again.

So get your journal out and jot down these 5 tips to help you stay on track after a binge.

FOLLOW YOUR MEAL PLAN

If you are in recovery for an eating disorder, it is very likely that you will have a dietitian that asks you to follow a specific meal plan. DO IT.  We often feel as though we need to go on a long fast after a huge binge. However, the more you starve yourself the more likely you are to binge again. If you feed yourself consistently throughout the day, it is unlikely that you will feel the need to eat a huge amount of food. Do not let your eyes become bigger than your stomach!

BE CONSISTENT 

Set up reminders to do specific practices in the day that will help you stay calm and to stay on track. One of my favorite 3 min practices is to get some head space. If you don’t know what that is, click the link to find out. Commit to doing it 3 times a week. Forming healthy habits takes time and work. If you fail at three times, move it to two times. Be realistic in the expectations you put on yourself.

That example can go for anything: journaling, setting your alarm for meal times and eating at the same time every day, meditations, praying, reading, etc.

FIND ACCOUNTABILITY PARTNERS

Do not get me wrong, this one is not easy, it is even embarrassing. However, if you are committed to recovery YOU NEED TO HAVE SOMEONE YOU CAN TALK TO IN TIMES OF DISTRESS. Please do not underestimate how important this is! If you feel alone in your recovery, it is because you are not connected with the right people. Recovery is hard and anyone who is walking in this journey should know how important it is to have someone to confide in. If you do not have one, FIND ONE.

STOP MAKING EXCUSES

You are strong enough to resist temptation. God can give you all of the strength you need to make it through the horrible feelings that come along with a binge. KNOW THAT YOU ARE IN CHARGE OF YOUR RECOVERY AND ONLY YOU CAN MAKE THE DECISION TO STOP AND GET HELP. Also know that you will fail and you can continually make that decision to stay in help.

COMMIT TO RECOVERY!

Commit to yourself that you will not, under any circumstance, live life the way that you have been living. Stop hurting and killing yourself. Understand that you have a purpose, and if you do not know what it is, you are the only one who can find it.

This is one of the greatest journeys you can set out on. Get yourself healthy and be adventurous. Find out what you like and what you are made of. Try new things. Work on being confident in yourself. When you start to discover who you really are, this is when confidence will start to fall in to place.  


Hey Guys! Thank you so so much for reading! I am truly blessed to have you. I just want to remind you all that you are amazing, you are original, you have been made for a reason, and Jesus loves you! Oh, and I love you! 🙂

Don’t Forget

Get connected with me in some way. I am on Facebookinstagram, & Twitter. I would love to talk with you and answer any questions you may have. If you just need a listening ear, I can do that as well. If you don’t feel comfortable leaving a comment, you can email me at kaybitsblogging@gmail.com. I check my emails daily.

To read my last post click here

FINALLY ACCEPTING HELP P2

Blur Week

I didn’t want to talk to anyone about what happened. I wanted my husband to forget about it, but I knew that wasn’t going to happen. So he told me to pick someone to call. The first number we dialed was our premarital counselor from church, she didn’t pick up. That was the only person who I was willing to call, but we agreed upon calling my husband’s mom and dad. Ashamed, I let him do most of the talking that night, and the next day I went in to an emergency therapy appointment……. (Read full post here)

Therapy Session changed everything

I sat there and immediately regretted my decision to come in. She asked me what was going on and I told her everything. The weight was too heavy for me to keep it hidden. She asked me if I could keep myself safe. I told her that I didn’t know. I guess when you tell your therapist that you have lost hope and you wouldn’t be heart-broken if you weren’t around anymore, it’s apparently a sign. Not to mention that I couldn’t feel anything, and had the wounds to prove it.

Suicide Watch

At that point she told me she was calling the ambulance to come get me. I immediately shut down that request. She said that it wasn’t really an option. I told her I wasn’t going in that ambulance and pleaded for her to let me either drive myself or let my husband take me. She wasn’t willing to budge. I told her that she could call the ambulance but I wouldn’t be getting in it. So she called my husband instead and told him that I needed to go to the hospital for “suicide watch”.

Feelings

I was so angry with her because this meant that I had to tell my family what was going on. I had to tell them that I had been lying about a lot of things for a long time. It was both humiliating and completely against my life’s motto: never let anyone know that you are hurting, and remember the three C’s (Stay cool, calm, collected).

The first call I made was to my mother. She was devastated, hurt, and didn’t understand what was happening. Pleading with me not to go in she kept saying, “You won’t come out the same.” My dad pleaded as well, with similar feelings as my mom. I then received a call from my sister, I barely remember the conversations I had. My husband had to take the brunt of all the fear and anger that was coming from each one of my immediate family members. I sat motionless in the front seat of his car staring at a big blurry tree, that was all I could see. The next thing I knew my sisters pulled up next to us in the hospital parking lot, they were understandably full of tears and fears.

Different Plans

Eventually, we came to the conclusion that I wasn’t going to go in. We didn’t know what we were going to do, but one thing was clear, simply forgetting that this ever happened and moving on with our lives like I desired was not an option. The next couple of days my husband barley took his eyes off of me, but when he did, I was sure to make the most of that situation while I was alone. He pleaded with me to please stop hurting myself. When I hurt myself I was hurting him too, I just didn’t know how much my behavior affected him.

I stayed on husband watch for two days until I had to go back to work. That day was a roller coaster. We still didn’t know what we were going to do. In the middle of the day I called my mom. We had a good chat and she suggested that I call the treatment center were one of my sisters had been going for a while. The admissions woman who I was talking to scheduled me for an evaluation later in the day at 1:00 pm. My boss was very familiar with what was going on at this point, so being able to break at this time for 30 minutes was not a problem.

The conversation was very uncomfortable. I had never shared any of these secret details to anyone in my life besides my husband and therapist. It was relieving talking about everything, but I felt naked, I felt exposed. It was one of the longest conversations in my life.

The Call

It didn’t take her long to call me back. When I saw her number I thought I was going to throw up. I tried to answer as calmly as possible, but little did I know that her words would send me in to another panic. She said they recommended residential treatment. Flabbergasted, I hung up the phone and paced up and down the sidewalk. I called the admissions woman back and asked if there was a less drastic route we could take. Maybe just some therapy, or their partial hospitalization program. She explained that once they give their recommendation they don’t typically let the patient choose a treatment plan that is lower than the one they recommended, understandable.

Losing everything

This overwhelmed me and I thought that my life was falling apart. I thought for sure I was going to lose my job. And having just gotten married, I couldnt imagine living away from my new husband and my family. I couldn’t see it at the time, but God had everything under control. In the midst of my worst nightmare, he was behind the scenes taking care of everything just as it was suppose to be. To my surprise my manager was behind this decision 100%. She set everything up for me at work. She told me that everything was going to be okay and that my job would be waiting for me when I got back from treatment. I could never thank her enough for what she did for me, I think it saved my life.

Stress of leaving

The week before I left was devastating. It felt like my husband and I spent half of the time crying and hugging. We knew this was a good opportunity but were still trying to recover from the devastating weekend that led up to this decision. I prayed for my husband, that he would be okay while I was gone. My step son didn’t understand were I was heading off to. Telling him I was sad and I was going to get help left him confused and worried. The night before I left, my family gathered together and prayed over me. It was weird, having everyone know my secret. I felt broken and embarrassed, but I was too nervous to care.

Alone

The next morning my husband drove me to the center. He stayed with me until the last second he could. When he had to leave, my heart broke. I felt alone and terrified, I knew I was in the right place though. God had answered my prayer that I had been praying for a long time. I found the littlest comfort in this and knew everything was going to be okay.


I can honestly say looking back I regret nothing in this situation. Receiving treatment was the best thing that God has ever made possible for me. If you are struggling, I urge you to get help. It may be the scariest thing you will go through, but it is worth it.

One piece of advice. The only way treatment will work for you is if you have the WANT to get better. It isn’t the easy answer. It takes a lot of hard work and dedication. If you want to get better though, put in the hard work, give the worry and stress to God, you can do this.

Thank you’s

Thank you all so much for reading. Let me know what you think in the comments below. I love reading all of your comments and getting to know each and every one of you on a more personal level. I couldn’t do any of this without you all.

Don’t Forget

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Also, if you are interested in reading my last post, you can find that here.

I love you all so much and have a fantastic day!

KK